Wednesday, March 18, 2015

4 months

Oh sweet boy, you are four months old and I cannot even wrap my head around it. I'm not blinking anymore because I swear every time I do, you grow up more. Not okay.

It's kind of been a rough month for you. I took you to Urgent Care at the end of February and you were diagnosed with reflux. You had this cough that sounded like you had been smoking for 40 years. It was awful. You felt terrible. It took us a few weeks, a trip to the ER, a diagnosis of bronchiolitis and an ear infection, a formula change, and a lot of meds to get you feeling better. It was rough. But I think you're on the up and up now. Fingers crossed.

Your sleep has left much to be desired this month. Some nights you sleep four-five hours, and some nights you are up every two hours. There has been no schedule. I'm going to throw you a bone though. You really have not felt good at all. I'm hoping now that your ear feels better and your reflux is a bit more under control that we will really see an improvement in your sleep. We all need it. For sure.

So what else have you been up to this month Coop-a-loop?

- You went to Savannah for your first St. Patrick's Day. And you had a blast. You saw a bit of the parade but you spent most of your time being passed from person to person as we all fought to hold you and love all over you.

- You push your bottle or my chest away when you're done eating.

- You are still nursing and I'm just going with your flow on this. My supply is still terrible but it's about the same as always so we work with it. I think you nurse mostly for comfort which is fine by me. I figure when you get completely frustrated with it and don't want to anymore then we will quit. Until then, I'll pump and do whatever I need to. You're worth it.
- You still eat about every three hours. We don't want to up your amount too much right now because of the reflux so you will probably stay on that schedule for a while. You eat about five ounces at every feeding.

- You are putting your weight on your feet more often and are starting to enjoy "standing" a bit more.

- You love sitting up in your little chair. You are still pretty wobbly but you're getting there.

- You have figured out the toys on your seat and love to play with them and bang them on the tray. You also have found the toys on your play mat and like to roll and grab them.

- You love your little giraffe. It's your buddy.

- You are this ll close to rolling back to belly. You keep getting stuck on your side. You can roll from stomach to back but you don't do it much. You are still not a huge fan of tummy time.

- You are extremely vocal. You have definitely found your voice and you love to use it! You have the sweetest little voice.
- You are wearing mostly 3-6 month clothes and some 6 month. You are still in size 2 Pampers Swaddlers. At your four month appointment you weighed in at 15.3 pounds and were 24.75 inches long with at 42.2 cm head circumference. You are right in the 50th percentile for everything.

- You constantly have your hands in your mouth chewing on them and I've seen you sucking your thumb a few times. You also spend a lot of time sucking in that bottom lip. You act like you're teething, but I know your sister started this months before she started teething so maybe you're just getting started. It will probably be a while before we see any teeth.

- You go to bed around 7:30 pm each night and then it's a guessing game what happens next. You are usually up at least once or twice to nurse and then usually back to sleep. But like I said, you are Mr. Random Man at night. Every night is a guessing game.

- You are getting a bit better at napping but still aren't great. You will take an hour nap every so often. That's about your longest nap. I don't get why you don't like to sleep...

- You have started giggling out loud more often. It's pretty much the best sound.

- You are starting to turn your head when we say your name and smile at your name.

- You are still hands down a Mama's boy. You adore your sister and your Daddy but you light up when I come in the room. I love it so, so much. You melt my heart kid.

You are such a joy Coop. It's been a trying month but we are moving along and I know much better times are ahead. I can't wait for the next month with you.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

my boy.

We found out Cooper was a boy at an early ultrasound right around 16 weeks.

Life was crazy and honestly, I kept forgetting I was even pregnant so I thought if I knew what the baby was, it might help me bond. So I begged B and then eventually just booked it thinking he would have to go if I had a set appointment.

I kind of wanted a girl.

No, I really wanted a girl.

In my head danced visions of girls in matching clothes. Of sisters sharing a room and telling secrets into the night. Of another sweet girl wearing E's hand me downs.

We had a name picked out. I could practically see the monogrammed clothes hanging in her closet. I was already in love with this girl.

But then a part of me always thought deep down this baby was a boy. At my very first appointment when I first saw the little bug, I thought "it's a boy" and I just knew it was true.
But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't secretly still hoping for a girl.

Then we went to that appointment and the tech gave us an 85% shot that it was a boy. She just could never get that money shot to give us the 100% "it's a boy!" statement. But I knew. I knew that we'd just spent the last hour watching our son jump around on the screen.

It sounds insane to me right now that that sweet boy is sleeping away in my room, but this is how I felt back then. I had no idea...

I left that appointment slightly disappointed. I even voiced it to B, but not in so many words. I mean what kind of mother thinks like that?!

I feel I should put a disclaimer here; I adore my boy. At that moment though, I mourned the loss of a sister for Ella. And that's really what I wanted. Probably just because she loudly, LOUDLY, voiced her desire for a sister. I almost felt like I let her down. Crazy? Absolutely, but you can't reason with pregnancy hormones.
The weeks between that early ultrasound and our genetic screening were crazy in my head. A tiny part of me still thought the tech might be wrong. Maybe she saw his cord? Or a hand? I've heard plenty of stories where the ultrasound was wrong. It definitely happens.

But then the other part of me desperately hoped she was right. I bought a couple of boy items. I allowed myself to dream of blue and start to daydream of boy names. I felt like that at my next appointment I would be bummed no matter what, because now I wanted both.

The day of our specialist appointment quickly arrived and the tech took no time in pulling E aside and sharing with her first what the baby was. And as Ella said "it's a boy" (with no excitement mind you), I teared up. It was a boy. My boy. No I didn't know anything about raising boys but I was damn sure ready to try. Was I still a tad disappointed? Of course. I won't lie. Who wouldn't love watching two girls grow up? They're amazing.

I had no idea.

It's actually kind of weird typing this now because I know I felt this way but he's here now and oh my gosh ya'll; this boy has rocked my world.

My whole life I've been waiting on this child. On both of my children, but I couldn't imagine what he would do to my heart. I know they say boys are "Mama's boys" but you just don't get it til you see it. Til you live it. I swear I didn't know we were missing him until he was here and I realized that he's been missing all along. He is ours. He is the final piece to our family puzzle. We never would have been complete if it hadn't been him.

Funny how things work out. It makes me thankful that I'm not in charge of things. I didn't know how much I needed this boy. I didn't know how much I would adore this boy. I didn't know how much it would make my heart smile to watch him and Ella develop a relationship I could have only dreamed of. Thank you God for knowing better than I do. Thank you God for our beautiful, beautiful, beautiful baby boy. He's our world. I think we'll keep him.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

full circle.

November is an extremely hard month around here.

While it's the beginning of the holiday season and pretty much the beginning of my favorite time of year, it's also the month that we suffered the most heart ache in.

It's the month that three of our pregnancies left us. The one where we found out about the other one that left us at Christmas. It's a hard, hard month.

When I found out Cooper was due in November, my heart sank. And when I went to that first ultrasound appointment, by myself since Mr. P was working out of town, and I was told that the baby's heart "was very slow but there's nothing we can do about it", I walked out to my car and just sobbed. Of course my November baby wasn't going to make it. It's such a bad month.

But God has bigger plans than us. Always. And they are always so, so much better than we can imagine them to be. Because that baby? He made it. And he turned an ordinary day in a month that used to bring so much heartache, into one of the best days ever. In a way it has all come full circle. All that heartache, all that loss in one month of a year and then He completed our family with the sweetest gift in that month.

Wow.

This guy? He stole our hearts. He is absolutely the perfect little bookend to complete our family. I got my best gift of 2014 in November.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

3 months.


Oh Coop a loop these months are flying by.

You are just such a joy to us sweet boy. We are far more tired than we ever imagined we would be but you are beyond worth it. You are just the best little guy.

You are currently in 3-6 and some 6 month clothes. You can still wear 3 month but they are pretty tight. You are in size 1 diapers but just until we finish the ones we have. You are probably around 14 or so pounds. I should weigh and measure you. Put that on my to do list.

So what are you up to at 3 months little one?

-You are constantly blowing spit bubbles. Constantly. Your shirts are covered in drool and as much as I hate them, bibs have become a necessary evil. You are a drooling machine.

-You are just so smiley and so happy. Still not a ton of giggles but you do get really excited and make a very happy "cooing" noise. It's just as adorable as giggles. You love to play "where's Cooper?" and you loved to be "scared". Boo is your favorite word currently. You also love when we sing you the "Cooper the Pooper" song. Yes, it's an original.

-You are really starting to grab and hold onto things. You love the little giraffe rattle which we try to keep with you in your carseat.

-You are VERY obvious about being hungry and tired. When you're tired, you start to rub against our chest/shoulders. When you start getting like that it's time to put you down. You put yourself to sleep. You do not want to be rocked when you're that tired (this only happens at night. You want nothing to do with being put down during the day).

-You are obsessed with your hands. They are always in your mouth!

-You are hands down a Mama's boy. I get the best smiles from you and when I start talking you start looking around frantically until you lay eyes on me. If you can hear me but aren't touching me, you will pull yourself in the direction of my voice. I not so secretly love it. I hope you are always this way.

-You do not like to be put down. You'll hang out for a little while not attached to a person but it does not last long. You are just a people person. That's what I'm calling it anyway...

-You are still 50/50 breastmilk and formula. I'm so over pumping but you aren't showing any lack of interest in nursing when we're together so I'm bound and determined to let you lead. I know this will be over before I know it so even though my supply sucks and I'm over carting a pump all over the Carolinas, I'm in it for the long haul. You tell me little buddy.

-Your sleeping still leaves much to be desired. You are a terrible napper. You may have a good day where you get a couple of good naps but then you'll go days with the longest nap being 25 minutes. It can be maddening. You go to bed about 8 ish but are usually up around 2 am. Some days it will take you a couple of hours to get back to sleep which means my day starts at 2 am for good. I do not like those days. Most nights you nurse at 2 and then go back to sleep til 4 or 5. I can handle those days a bit better. You're pretty random. We've attempted "sleep training" but you really want nothing to do with it. Your sister was so easy that I couldn't understand why everyone didn't sleep train. Now I know. Some kids are just not going to have it.

All in all I don't mind your not sleeping. Don't get me wrong, you can start sleeping better any time now, but I'm slowly adjusting to the sucky sleep and I know you will eventually sleep so... I'm trying to hang in there. You've kind of got me wrapped though. This could be why you get away with everything.

You are such a joy Cooper. You really are. Everyone remarks on what a good baby you are. And while you're pretty high maintenance (need warm bottles, warm wipes, to be held ALL THE TIME), I wouldn't trade you for the world. I know not every baby is as easy as your sister was. You're just keeping us on our toes. We should thank you.

We love you more than the world Coop. You're our favorite little buddy.

Monday, February 9, 2015

my girl.

Oh this girl.

I love my child. Dearly. But to say she and I, no, she and EVERYBODY and having a time, would be putting it mildly.

I honestly have to brag on her for a second though. This girl? she is the best big sister ever. No seriously. EVER.
She is always quick to help out. You can ask her to go get something and she's on it before you finish the sentence. Even if she just made a trip upstairs, she'll go right back up there if it's for something her little brother needs. She loves to hold him, feed him, change his diaper (only wet ones!), and pick out his socks each morning to match his outfit.

I haven't had any of the "can't take a shower" problems, because I can. I can leave C with her for a few minutes (on his mat or something) and she will watch him like a hawk. She'll come get me the second he makes a peep and she knows better than to ever pick him up.

She has a heart of gold. If she accidentally does anything that might make him upset, it breaks her little heart. She climbed in my lap the other day only to sit on his leg and you would have thought her dog just died. She was so worried about him.
That is not to say that we aren't having our fair share of jealousy issues.

She gets a little upset every day as packages of spring clothes roll in for Cooper and less for her. She doesn't get that he has ZERO spring clothes while she already has last years. Try explaining that to a kid that hasn't had anyone else for her shopaholic Mom to buy for the last four years. It's real fun.

And the sleep issues? Oh the sleep issues.

For months now, E has gotten up every single night and ended up in our bed. Well, up until a couple of weeks ago when we had to get strict about the consequences if she kept it up. Let's put it this way, there was not a soul in this house getting a good night's sleep and it was not because of the newborn.

She decided she hated being upstairs by herself even though she's been upstairs by herself since we moved here. She then decided that she didn't have anyone up there watching her and that was not okay. She said they were "all dead" (aka, dolls). I'm telling y'all, it was bad.

She's not a good bed partner or we may have allowed it but it had to stop. So we finally laid down the law on that and she's managed to stay upstairs every night for the last week or so. Hallelujah amen.
She's been taking a nap at school most days and that's because she's not sleeping well at home. Her teachers are loving this latest development. Her parents not so much.

She's also been having a lot of issues with tantrums. We've managed to get pretty lucky in this department as she's never been a big foot stomper or someone who throws herself around. Until now.

Now I know all of this has got to be a regression of sorts from all the change. I know that. But it doesn't make it any easier.

And I'm sure a lot of it is our fault. She's always been so independent and so grown up that I think sometimes we forget that she's just FOUR YEARS OLD. No kidding, sometimes I have to check myself when I find me asking tasks of her that an eight year old might not do. I think in a way we've forced her to grow up a lot and maybe she's just not having it.

The thing about Ella though, is that she thrives on tasks. She thrives on being able to help out. To be a leader in her surroundings. She's bossy though and lately she's having such a hard time keeping it in check. And that mouth of hers.... I could go on for days about that but I won't.
So that's where we are at with E. We're struggling a bit but I know we'll get through it. The attitude, the sass; they're all qualities of my girl that make her her. And she's awesome. We just have to keep working to guide those qualities into something useful. Something positive.

And maybe tire her out daily so she'll sleep good at night. That would be awesome.

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